Radiant Relationships-Chapter 2

Ego is the main hurdle. Love is the only solution

In any relationship, be it father-son, husband-wife, mother-daughter, brother-sister, friends, business partners, mother-in-law & daughter-in-law etc., the cause of all misunderstandings disputes or cold wars is the demon called ‘EGO’.

Are we standing in EGO or LOVE?

Our Spiritual Master says- “One must identify his own ego and let it down in order to let the love flow in a relationship. Do not look out for other person’s mistakes and ego as this only shows our own ego. Love is the most difficult task in the world. Love is the solution to all problems.”

When nails grow long, we cut nails, not fingers. Similarly, when misunderstandings grow up, cut your ego not the relationship.

Have trust and give mental, physical and emotional space in relationships

Possessiveness, attachment, trying to control the other person, smothers the love in any relationship. Learn to give freedom and space to the other person for love to blossom.

‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder.’ There is a ritual in Indian marriages where the newly wedded bride goes to her mother’s house for few days after marriage. Distance makes us realize the value of our loved ones and increases affection in our heart for them.

Relationship is destroyed when we demand and blame

When we say that nobody understands me it means that I have not understood anybody. Whenever there is demand & blame, love dies.

“All relationships are not to be happy (for pleasure seeking) but to awaken (connecting with God). They are learning lessons for the soul to evolve and reach its goal towards God realization.”

The biggest flaw in relationships is to change the other person. Accept them as they are.

Expectations reduce joy in life. Acceptance is important in a relationship (surrendering unto the will of God). Acceptance is love.

To heal a relationship, forgive and forget

When we do not forgive, we give a rent free space to the other person in our mind. After forgiving, we forget his deeds & acts. Pray to God to help you to forgive. Do not keep the old hurts. It will hurt you instead. If we do not forgive it creates pain, illness and diseases in our body. Resentment creates cancer, guilt creates pain, criticism creates arthritis and fear creates baldness, ulcers in our body.

Forgiveness means giving up, letting the whole thing go. The point of power is in the present moment. Today we can say to ourselves – “I am willing to release the past with love”, “I am willing to change”, “Oh Lord, I am all yours and you are mine”.

There are three things in a relationship

1. Perception – How do we see others? Do we see others through our mind or do we step into their shoes & try to understand them. The former is ego & the later is love. When we rise above our mind it is love.

2. Observation – We always have the habit of observing others. Do the other way round. When someone says something, see the reactions of your own mind. What are my feelings, thoughts, vibrations, body language?

3. Expression – How do we deal in a given situation? Whenever our reactions are disturbed we will see that we are in constricted consciousness (i.e. on the mental & emotional level). To rise from constricted consciousness to expanded consciousness follow the following simple step:

S – Stop judgments & chattering of your mind.

T – Take 3 deep breaths & smile. See the smile all over your body.

O – Observe your feelings & thoughts.

P – Proceed with love & compassion.

To be Continued…